Sunday, June 14, 2015

Heart's Talk.

How does it feel to be treated like you don't exist.
You started to feel like things aren't the way it used to be anymore.
They've changed.
The way they look at you-- has changed.
The way they used to care so much about you-- has changed.
And believe it or not,
Your spot in their heart, which used to be such a special spot-- is slowly disappearing.
You feel they started to push you away.
That time, you would probably ask yourself,
"Am I not a somebody to you anymore?"
"Or maybe, never been a somebody to you all this while?"
And you wonder,
They have stopped caring or they've never cared?

It hurts.
It hurts a lot--
In your eyes, they are your only sunshine.
But to them, you're nothing.
Without them, it's so hard for you.
But without you, they don't feel incomplete.
They laugh.
They smile.
They live happily.

You ask yourself, crying your heart out.
"Why do I have to face this?"
"Why do I have to feel this pain?"
Yes, it hurts.
It tears your heart apart.
It kills you inside out.
It's awful.
But despite of all the tears and pains,
You smile.
You pretend like everything's fine.
You're hiding behind your favourite sentence,
"I'm okay."

The fact is,
Nobody knows if you're so hurt.
Nobody could tell if you're in pain.
Nobody could notice if you feel like dying.
Nobody could imagine,
The girl who greets people with the sweetest smile in the morning, cries the most tears, cries her heart out when the lights are off.
Who cares?
Who would probably give a sh*t?
The one she hopes always be there for her-- isn't there.
The one she hopes never leave-- left her.
The one she cares a lot-- don't give a damn about her.
It's just sad, isn't it?

People always leave the one who needs them the most, just because, maybe, just maybe, they don't need him/her as much as he/she needs them.
Why is it always like that?

If only you could feel the pain I'm facing,
If only you could see me crying,
If only you knew how my heart hurts,
Do you think you would do this to me?
Do you think you could bear seeing how it kills me from the inside?

Thanks for not being there the moment I needed you the most.
Thanks for proving to me that you don't care when I care for you more than I care for myself.
Thanks for showing me how you really don't need me while I feel like dying of wanting you to always be there for me.
Thanks for the pain.

The heart of a girl who thinks you mean the world to her.

At last.
The hand is writing what the heart couldn't handle anymore.
Satisfied. Phew.